First Picture of Ally and Me
I met Ally at a young people’s weekend hosted by my church, the Denver Gospel Hall. She was visiting her grandparents who live in the area, and we happened to meet at the event. We played volleyball over the weekend and exchanged phone numbers. Over the next few months, we corresponded and got to know each other until we met up again in November of 2012 over Thanksgiving break. I struggled with the idea of getting into a relationship with Ally because of the physical distance. I didn’t know if I could handle the responsibility and pressure of dating someone who lived so far away. However, I knew that if I never took the chance I would regret it for a long time. Taking the opportunity to date someone long distance has helped me to fulfill my love and belongingness needs.
For the last two years we have been dating. She lives in Bristol, Connecticut, which is about 750 miles from my house. We see each other as often as we can, which is usually once a month for about one weekend at a time. She is the only girl I have ever dated, and I am 100% sure I made the right choice. However, I may not have felt the same way even four or five years ago.
When I first mentioned to people that I was going to ask out a girl who lived in Connecticut, I received some of the following responses:
“Why? There are plenty of girls here in Charlotte.”
“Connecticut? Oh, I could never do that.”
“When will you ever see her?”
“Don’t you think she’s going to cheat on you?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Many people thought dating a girl who lives in Connecticut was a bad idea. I even struggled with the concept of being in a relationship with someone I would only see about once a month. Before this process of self-actualization began, there was no way I would ever consider doing something like this. I would not be comfortable only seeing my girlfriend for such a limited period of time, and I would find it hard to trust someone who lives so far away, especially early in the relationship. The physical distance would make it difficult to make that meaningful connection that is necessary for a relationship to last. We had to find new ways of connecting, including FaceTiming, calling each other on a regular basis, and other new ways of getting to know each other. I also assumed that it would be expensive with all the plane tickets and the fact that we do as much as possible when we see each other in order to make it a good experience. I would also doubt my ability to commit to someone far away for a long-term relationship. Perhaps I did not have enough confidence in myself and who I am in order to make a long-distance relationship work. Or maybe the quasi-relationships I had in the past ruined my outlook on dating. Whatever the root cause, I can say with certainty that there was a time when I could not have been in a relationship with someone I only saw a handful of times each year.
Through this process of self-actualization, I am growing more and more comfortable with myself and who I am. I am finding it easier to trust others, even those who live 750 miles away from me. My girlfriend will sometimes ask, “Wait, it doesn’t bother you that I was playing volleyball with a group of guys and you are 12 hours away?” I usually respond by saying, “No, because I trust you and I believe that what we have is better than what any guy there can offer you.” Previously, I would be paranoid about what could happen or about her leaving me for a guy who lives in Connecticut. However, through this process of self-actualization, I have more confidence in myself and what I have to offer and this has put me in a position to trust others more. Developing this sense of confidence and trust has served me well outside of my relationship as well.